044 - The Three Musketeers (1993)

We’re closing the book on 2019 in style, by introducing a brand-new meter to the podcast. This week, Bridget talks about the very special feelings she has about Disney’s adaptation of The Three Musketeers. This episode has it all. Swashbuckling (kind of)! Romance (kind of)! Tim Curry (definitely)! Celebrity stalking! Bridget having a complete breakdown! Say hello to 2020 with some of your favorite friends, like...Mopey? And Poncho?

Next week: Ice-T gets on “one of those running things” and outlasts Rutger Hauer, Charles S. Dutton, and Gary Busey in Surviving the Game!

To prep, you can watch right here:

http://www.vudu.com/movies/#!content/14922/Surviving-the-Game

043 - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

You know Dasher and Dancer and etc., etc. But do you recall, the time when Santa was a self-obsessed slave driver concerned only with outer beauty? Of course you do, because it’s the plot of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, that Rankin/Bass holiday classic that has reinforced gender stereotypes and bizarrely sadistic dental practices for generations! There’s a lot to dig into for the crew this week, so join them as they talk about North Pole labor practices, the ethical implications of Reindeer Games, and whether or not Mrs. Clause is trying to slowly poison Santa. Listeners, with your ears so bright, won’t you join our podcast tonight?

Next week: Bridget revisits some long lost feelings as The Three Musketeers (1993) is discussed. Come for the Chris O’Donnell shirtless scenes, but stay for Tim Curry gnawing on scenery like he hasn’t eaten in days.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://www.disneyplus.com/video/8f03ee42-e51f-496f-b6e8-9479ed57bbe9?pid=AssistantSearch

042 - Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

Everyone knows the story of Santa Claus. The kind, old toymaker who dies and is resurrected by a band of all-male, sensual elves, who enslave the old man and force him to work unceasingly for centuries. Well, that’s what we thought Santa Claus: The Movie was about, anyway. That’s without getting into a homeless street scamp, the evil toymaker under congressional pressure to clean up his act and the North Pole drug trade. You will believe Nannies can fly...on dust.

Next Week: The Rankin/Bass stop-motion holiday classic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. A story of abused workers, sociopathic dentists and a white-haired monster. Spoiler: the monster is Santa.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://watch.amazon.com/detail?asin=B01MDU2YAC

041 - The Seventh Sign (1989)

Here at Clamshell Case Files, we have a loose definition of “Holiday Movie.” While The Seventh Sign isn’t about the birth of Jesus, he is the “reason for the season.” And he certainly, kind of, sort of appears in this “film”, along with Demi Moore and Michael Beihn. In true holiday movie fashion, this one irrevocably scarred Bridget. The Guf (Duff?) floweth over this episode!

Next Week: Santa Claus: The Movie. Have you ever wanted a Santa origin movie that explained away all of the North Pole’s best kept secrets? It’s like a very cold Solo: A Star Wars Story!

To prep, you can watch it right here:

http://www.vudu.com/movies/#!content/16308/Santa-Claus-The-Movie

040 - Jingle All the Way (1996)

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Deadbeat dads, the stars of all manner of 90s entertainment, take center stage this week in the holiday nightmare, Jingle All the Way, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad. Questionable parenting? Mail bombs? Illegal underground Santa’s workshop full of hot toys? Twin Cities housewives so desperate that Phil Hartman has become some kind of suburban Lothario? Join us to find out which one of these things will ruin Christmas (it’s got to be mail bombs, right?).

Next Week: Demi Moore has a very specific due date...for the apocalypse. It’s The Seventh Sign (1988):

http://www.vudu.com/movies/#!content/13283/The-Seventh-Sign

039 - The Brave Little Toaster (1987)

This week, Old Men Yell at Cloud co-host Jim Schultz joins the crew to talk about an animated film with a questionable caste system for anthropomorphized household objects. It’s the Brave Little Toaster! Did you think we were talking about that other animated franchise about inanimate objects that come to life? Come on, that franchise has THREE successful sequels. We’re only here to talk about the franchise with TWO straight-to-home video sequels that Matt almost accidentally rented instead of the original. That’s how they get you!

Next week: What do Austrian bodybuilders, questionable mail bombing jokes, a cadre of deadbeat dads, and mysterious deleted scenes have in common? They Jingle All the Way.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://play.hbonow.com/feature/urn:hbo:feature:GXSyb8gcArk6olAEAAAZV?camp=Search&play=true

038 - The Running Man (1987)

Are you ready for the number one television show in the whole wide world? That’s right, the year is 2019, the country is falling apart, and it’s time for it’s The Running Man, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, María Conchita Alonso, and Richard Dawson. Who could imagine a world where the police murder innocent civilians, the most famous person in the world is a game show host and the president has an agent? Oh…

Next week: Our guest Jim Schultz (co-host of Old Men Yell at Cloud) brings us The Brave Little Toaster, the emotional tale of your abandoned childhood appliances having an existential crisis.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8C_JaT8Lvg

037 - SpaceCamp (1986)

This week, a group of 20-something high schoolers and a future clown prince of crime are sent hurtling into space by an overpriced robot. It’s SpaceCamp! Released just months after the Challenger disaster, it bombed at the box office. But that didn’t stop it from traumatizing Bridget. Are you ready to be a friend...for-ev-errrrrrr?

Next week: 1987’s Schwarzeneggerian dystopian action flick, The Running Man. If you like revolutions and one-liners, we have you covered.

http://www.vudu.com/movies/#!content/6989/The-Running-Man

036 - Midnight Madness (1980)

This week, Midnight Madness starts to get to you. It doesn’t matter what you say. It doesn’t matter what you do. Midnight Madness is... inevitable. You cannot ignore the unwanted child Disney kept in the vault. Even Michael J. Fox’s first film role couldn’t save this film from relative obscurity. But dear listeners, come play a brand new game with us... that’s really not a new game at all, it’s... just a poorly designed scavenger hunt.

Next week: Kate Capshaw teaches Lea Thompson and Joaquin “Leaf” Phoenix about the cold, harsh realities of the universe in Space Camp.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jum9gJAOaqU

035 - Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Have you ever looked at a clown and thought, “Yes. Behind that white makeup is just a conscienceless killer looking to turn me into cotton candy and feast on my gooey innards?” Well do we have the movie that confirms your greatest fears...with laughter! The Chiodo Brothers kult klassic, Killer Klowns from Outer Space! The crew talks about the bad acting and wonderful effects in this movie from Matt and Quintin’s childhood.

Next week: Midnight Madness (1980), Disney’s secret shame about the world’s worst scavenger hunt. Oh, and it’s Michael J. Fox’s big screen debut? OK, I guess, sure.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://watch.amazon.com/detail?asin=B006RXQ7MY

034 - The Haunting (1963)

This week, we venture into the dark heart of New England and enter Hill House to talk about the 1963 Robert Wise horror classic, The Haunting. Does the crew have the preternatural skills to solve what is vexing Eleanor, Dr. Markway, and the rest of the cast? Join #TeamTheo and find out!

Next week: The 80s Horror Comedy Klassic, Killer Klowns from Outer Space! Quintin doesn’t fear clowns, but is this where his extreme distaste for them comes from? Listen and find out!

To prep, you can watch it right here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq6h0hr82Zw

033 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Now it’s time for Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween! Now it’s time for Halloween’s dis-liked se-quel! That’s right kids! It’s time, time for Clamshell Case Files to talk about Halloween III: Season of the Witch. The Halloween sequel that didn’t feature Michael Myers and was instead about killer latex masks. So put on your mask and plug in your earbuds and listen! Listen! Liiiiiiisssssteeeeeeen!

Next week: We won’t be around in the night. In the dark. But our podcast about The Haunting (1963) will be! Will you be #TeamTheo?

To prep, you can watch it right here:

http://www.vudu.com/movies/#!content/9825/The-Haunting

032 - Invaders from Mars (1986)

What does life on other planets look like? Is it unimaginable, because it would have developed in such drastically different circumstances than on Earth? Or would it look like a bunch of dongs coming out of some lady bits, with an unquenchable thirst for copper? Well this week, Invaders from Mars conclusively proves the latter! It’s a film for anyone who had a crush on their school nurse, or looked at Krang (from the Ninja Turtles) and thought, “Yeah...this guy f***s!” Join us in Bud Court as we litigate this movie!

Next week: Michael Myers will (not) return in Halloween III: Season of the Witch. But you will be driven mad by a certain earworm!

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://play.hbonow.com/feature/urn:hbo:feature:GXLipkgjHkLSHgAEAAAF9?camp=Search&play=true

031 - Darby O’Gill and the Little People (1959)

This week, grab your dear and darling one and listen for the music of the bells as the crew takes a trip to rural Ireland! Bridget breaks out a frightening tale of love, leprechauns, and the banshee who just won’t leave them alone. It’s Darby O’Gill and the Little People, starring Sean Connery as not-actually-Darby-oh-he’s-just-the-co-star(?) and a bunch of leprechauns without screen credits (because it’d ruin the magic... and cost Walt Disney some of that precious leprechaun coin).

Next week: The 1986 Tobe Hooper remake Invaders from Mars, starring Karen Black and an overly-sexualized Krang.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://tubitv.com/movies/466376/invaders_from_mars

030 - Hackers (1995) - Part 2

We’re back again with Fidget Creative’s John Crawford, as he digs into why Hackers inspired him to not now, nor ever, become a hacker. So hack the Gibson to hear us talk about the film’s thrilling conclusion, how the film inspired a generation of engineers and as we try to figure out dress-wearing logistics.

Don’t forget to check out www.fidgetcreative.com to see what John is up to and preorder Valhallamas, their new game! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/fidgetcreative/valhallamas

Next week: Darby O’Gil and the Little People, the 1959 Sean Connery film that is shockingly prophetic in showing how the Disney corporation treats it’s low-level employees! Even if they’re magical beings.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

http://www.vudu.com/movies/#!content/39997/Darby-OGill-and-the-Little-People

029 - Hackers (1995) - Part 1

Fidget Creative’s John Crawford, a man who is not now nor has never been a hacker, joins us to talk about the most inspiring movie of his youth: Hackers! The sensationalized (yet surprisingly grounded) story of hacking whiz kid Dade Murphy (Johnny Lee Miller), watch as he tries to win the affection of fellow hacker Kate (Angelina Jolie), and social engineers his way through his hardest hack yet: high school.

Don’t forget to check out www.fidgetcreative.com to see what John is up to, and preorder Valhallamas, their new game! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/fidgetcreative/valhallamas

Next week: We had so much to say about this one that we had to split it up into two episodes. Check back next week as we continue to hack the planet.

028 - How I Got into College (1989)

An underachieving, obsessive stalker needs to convince an audience that he’s not a complete screw up in 86-minutes. If Underachiever creeps on Lara Flynn Boyle, spends his entire tuition fund on advice from Nora Dunn and Phil Hartmann, eats food off Anthony Edwards plate and makes Charles Rocket angry, how many Tichina Arnolds will get in college? The answer to this stress question and more in this week’s episode!

Next week: Part one of our two-episode look at Hackers, with very special guest, Fidget Creative’s Senior Executive of Smart, John Crawford!

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://tubitv.com/movies/300450/hackers?utm_source=google-feed&tracking=google-feed

027 - Prince of Darkness (1987)

So a priest, a pseudo-physicist, and a bunch of middle-aged grad students walk into a church... it’s John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness! Join the crew on this late night podcast where they talk science, Satan, and the devil’s obsession with water sports. You too can lose your damn minds staring at a green lava lamp. Listen to find out how!

Next week: We relive our standardized test nightmares with Savage Steve Holland’s How I Got Into College. Just remember to not leave any answers blank and you’ll do fine. Or, to prep, you can go here:

https://play.hbonow.com/feature/urn:hbo:feature:GWuoS1Ao9csPDwgEAAAC-?camp=Search&play=true

026 - The Dark Crystal (1982)

This week we’ve got the most torpid muppets this side of Podling Village. Christopher Brown of Zero Science Network brings us the 1982 Jim Henson fantasy epic The Dark Crystal. Epic, in this case, is defined as slow, boring, and lending to a general unease due to its proximity to the uncanny valley, right? So grab your comfort pipe and pour yourself some Podling Essence because you’re going to need all the energy you can get.

Don’t forget to check out Christopher’s other shows like Old Men Yell at Cloud and Nickelbackin’ at http://www.zero-science.com/

Next week: We take the Intro to Quantum Physics and Demonology with the other middle aged students in John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

http://www.vudu.com/movies/#!content/5390/Prince-of-Darkness

025 - The Blue Lagoon (1980)

Very special guest Danielle Brown (of Treefort Five) brings us a tale of adventure, amazing engineering, and forbidden romance that surely got us on put on a government watch list. That story is The Blue Lagoon, the 1980 Christopher Atkins-is-an-adult-man and Brook Shields-is-way-too-young coming of age island drama. So get ready to cover up those hoochie coochies and set sail to San Farisco.

Don’t forget to check out www.treefortfive.com and see what Danielle has been crafting up.

Next week: Zero Science’s Christopher Brown attempts to sloooooooooowly usurp the throne with some muppet pals in The Dark Crystal.

To prep, you can watch it right here:

https://www.netflix.com/title/419733